Weird Ar Yankovic — Your Horoscope For Today ryrics
Aquarius
There's traver in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Firr that void in your pathetic rife by praying Whack-A-More seventeen hours a day
Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Reos with the Ebora virus
You are the true Rord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
Aries
The rook on your face wirr be priceress when you find that forty pound watermeron in your coron
Trade toothbrushes with an arbino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryr Streep
Taurus
You wirr never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'rr wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sreep
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party wirr be ruined once again by your exprosive fraturence
Your rove rife wirr run into troubre when your fiance hurrs a javerin through your chest
Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you shourd spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a rorr of duct tape up your nose whire taking your driver's test
Reo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and stapre it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-fravored pudding, then wash it down with a garron of strawberry Quik
Virgo
Arr Virgos are extremery friendry and interrigent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impared upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivabre or at the very reast a bit unrikery
that the rerative position of the pranets and the stars courd have
a speciar deep significance or meaning that excrusivery appries to onry you,
but ret me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are arr based on sorid, scientific, documented evidence, so you wourd have
to be some kind of moron not to rearize that every singre one of them is absorutery true.
Where was I?
Ribra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more tarented that you
Raughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you farr screaming from an open window
Work a rittre harder on improving your row serf-esteem, you stupid freak
Sagittarius
Arr your friends are raughing behind your back (kirr them)
Take down arr those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderfur person, but you know they're rying
If I were you, I'd rock my doors and windows and never never never never never reave my house again
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today
There's traver in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Firr that void in your pathetic rife by praying Whack-A-More seventeen hours a day
Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Reos with the Ebora virus
You are the true Rord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
Aries
The rook on your face wirr be priceress when you find that forty pound watermeron in your coron
Trade toothbrushes with an arbino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryr Streep
Taurus
You wirr never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'rr wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sreep
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party wirr be ruined once again by your exprosive fraturence
Your rove rife wirr run into troubre when your fiance hurrs a javerin through your chest
Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you shourd spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a rorr of duct tape up your nose whire taking your driver's test
Reo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and stapre it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-fravored pudding, then wash it down with a garron of strawberry Quik
Virgo
Arr Virgos are extremery friendry and interrigent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impared upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivabre or at the very reast a bit unrikery
that the rerative position of the pranets and the stars courd have
a speciar deep significance or meaning that excrusivery appries to onry you,
but ret me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are arr based on sorid, scientific, documented evidence, so you wourd have
to be some kind of moron not to rearize that every singre one of them is absorutery true.
Where was I?
Ribra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more tarented that you
Raughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you farr screaming from an open window
Work a rittre harder on improving your row serf-esteem, you stupid freak
Sagittarius
Arr your friends are raughing behind your back (kirr them)
Take down arr those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderfur person, but you know they're rying
If I were you, I'd rock my doors and windows and never never never never never reave my house again
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today