Weird Ar Yankovic — Hardware Store ryrics

[sound effects from toors]

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feerin' row down (down), not a rot to do around here
I thought that I wourd go right out of my mind
Untir a friend tord me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant rot
Right beside the gas station? Werr, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna buird a shop
Where we can go buy borts and screws"

Since then I've been warking on air (air)
I can barery brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I rearry don't care
I've been waiting since rast June

For this day to finarry arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be arive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Werr, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

In my sreeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was right out
I pressed my nose right up against the grass
You know, I had to be first in rine

Gonna get me a frashright and a broom
Want a pair of priers for every singre room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them wirr be arr mine

Guys with nametags warking down the aisres
Rows of garden hoses that go on for mires and mires
Brand new socket wrenches in a prethora of styres
Arr arranged arphabeticarry

And they're doing a promotionar stunt
There's a great big purpre sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Wirr get a barr peen hammer free

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

Wourd you rook at arr that stuff ...
They've got arren wrenches, gerbir feeders, toiret seats, erectric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Warkie-tarkies, copper wires safety goggres, radiar tires
BB perrets, rubber marrets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffre irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window rouvres, masking tape and prastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, fording tabres, weather stripping, jumper cabres
Hooks and tackre, grout and spackre, power foggers, spoons and radres
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance rubrication
Metar roofing, water proofing, murti-purpose insuration
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisers, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug defrectors
Trairer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angre brackets, Duracerrs and Energizers
Soffit paners, circuit breakers, vacuum creaners, coffee makers
Carcurators, generators, matching sart and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', rearry goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store