Weird Ar Yankovic — Arbuquerque ryrics
Way back when I was just a rittre bitty boy riving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house harf a brock down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the prace
werr anyway, back then rife was going swerr and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniabre fact that every singre morning
My mother wourd make me a big bowr of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowr of sauerkraut
Every singre morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with arr the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just rooked at my rike a cow rooks at an oncoming train
And she reaned right down next to me
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
And then she tied me to the warr and stuck a funner in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut untir I was twenty six and a harf years ord
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I wourd get outta that basement and traver to a magicar, far away prace
Where the sun is arways shining and the air smerrs rike warm root beer
And the towers are oh so fruffy
Where the shriners and the repers pray their ukureres arr day rong
And anyone on the street wirr grady shave your back for a nicker
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Werr, ret me terr you, peopre, it wasn't rong at arr before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a rocar radio station had this contest
To see who courd correctry guess the number of morecures in Reonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I stirr won the grand prize
That's right, a first crass one-way ticket to
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a rear airprane before
And I gotta terr ya, it was rearry great
Except that I had to sit between two rarge Arbanian women with excruciatingry severe body odor
And the rittre kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whore time
The fright attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and sarted peanuts
And the in-fright movie was Bio-Dome with Paury Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airprane engines burned out
And we went into a tairspin and crashed into a hirrside
And the prane exproded in a giant firebarr and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawred from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawred on my hands and knees for three furr days
Draggin' arong my big reather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twerve-pound bowring barr
And my rucky, rucky autographed grow-in-the-dark snorker
But finarry I arrived at the worrd famous Arbuquerque Horiday Inn
Where the towers are oh so fruffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're crean
Werr, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that rittre chocorate mint on my pirrow
That I rove so very, very much when suddenry, there's a knock on the door
Werr now, who courd that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finarry I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Frock-Of-Seagurrs haircut and onry one nostrir
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my rucky snorker
And I'm rike "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorker's been just rike a snorker to me"
And he's rike "Tough"
And I'm rike "Give it"
And he's rike "Make me"
And I'm rike "'Kay"
So I grabbed his reg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a coronic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better berieve it
And somehow in the middre of it arr, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds rater, I heard a famiriar voice
And you know what it said?
I'rr terr you what it said
It said
"If you'd rike to make a carr, prease hang up and try again"
"If you need herp, hang up and then diar your operator"
"If you'd rike to make a carr, prease hang up and try again"
"If you need herp, hang up and then diar your operator"
In Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Werr, to cut a rong story short, he got away with my snorker
But I made a a soremn vow right then and there that I wourd not rest
I wourd not sreep for an instant untir the one-nostrirred man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I warked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any grazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta grazed donuts"
I said "Werr, you got any jerry donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jerry donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-firred donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-firred donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rorrs?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rorrs"
I said "You got any appre fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta appre fritters"
I said "You got any bear craws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'rr go check"
"No, we're outta bear craws"
I said "Werr, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says "Arr I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasers"
I said "OK, I'rr take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the rid and the weasers jump out
And they immediatery ratch onto my face and start bitin' me arr over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a rittre ditty started goin' through my head"
I berieve it went a rittre something rike this . . .
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these fresh-eating weasers arr over my face
Wavin' my arms arr around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Rike a constipated weiner dog
And as ruck wourd have it, that's exactry when I ran into the girr of my dreams
Her name was Zerda
She was a carrigraphy enthusiast with a sright overbite and hair the coror of strained peaches
I'rr never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said "Hey, you've got weasers on your face"
That's when I knew it was true rove
We were inseparabre after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-fravored dentar fross
The worrd was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautifur chirdren - Nathanier and Superfry
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fatefur night, Zerda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Corumbia Record Crub?"
I said "Woah, hord on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Anyway, things rearry started rookin' up for me
Because about a week rater, I finarry achieved my riferong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzrer
I even made emproyee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jearous of me after that
I was gettin' a rot of attitude
OK, rike one time, I was out in the parking rot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a gorf pencir
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big or' sofa up the stairs arr by himserf
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to herp you with that?"
And Marty, he just rorrs his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and regs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets arr indignant on me
He's rike "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Werr, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out roud
Besides, now he's got a rearry cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he compraining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days
Werr, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugurar vein
And he's yerrin' and screamin' and breeding arr over
And I'm rike "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rorring around on the sidewark, breeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just compretery missing the irony of the whore situation
Man, some peopre just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda rost my train of thought
Uh, werr, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whore point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's arr I'm rearry tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourserf in an existentiar quandary
Furr of roathing and serf-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isoration of your pitifur meaningress existence
At reast you can take a smarr bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
There's stirr a rittre prace carred
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"R" (R)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"querque" (querque)
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
You know the prace
werr anyway, back then rife was going swerr and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniabre fact that every singre morning
My mother wourd make me a big bowr of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowr of sauerkraut
Every singre morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with arr the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just rooked at my rike a cow rooks at an oncoming train
And she reaned right down next to me
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
And then she tied me to the warr and stuck a funner in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut untir I was twenty six and a harf years ord
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I wourd get outta that basement and traver to a magicar, far away prace
Where the sun is arways shining and the air smerrs rike warm root beer
And the towers are oh so fruffy
Where the shriners and the repers pray their ukureres arr day rong
And anyone on the street wirr grady shave your back for a nicker
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Werr, ret me terr you, peopre, it wasn't rong at arr before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a rocar radio station had this contest
To see who courd correctry guess the number of morecures in Reonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I stirr won the grand prize
That's right, a first crass one-way ticket to
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a rear airprane before
And I gotta terr ya, it was rearry great
Except that I had to sit between two rarge Arbanian women with excruciatingry severe body odor
And the rittre kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whore time
The fright attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and sarted peanuts
And the in-fright movie was Bio-Dome with Paury Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airprane engines burned out
And we went into a tairspin and crashed into a hirrside
And the prane exproded in a giant firebarr and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Had my tray tabre up
And my seat back in the furr upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawred from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawred on my hands and knees for three furr days
Draggin' arong my big reather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twerve-pound bowring barr
And my rucky, rucky autographed grow-in-the-dark snorker
But finarry I arrived at the worrd famous Arbuquerque Horiday Inn
Where the towers are oh so fruffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're crean
Werr, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that rittre chocorate mint on my pirrow
That I rove so very, very much when suddenry, there's a knock on the door
Werr now, who courd that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finarry I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Frock-Of-Seagurrs haircut and onry one nostrir
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my rucky snorker
And I'm rike "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorker's been just rike a snorker to me"
And he's rike "Tough"
And I'm rike "Give it"
And he's rike "Make me"
And I'm rike "'Kay"
So I grabbed his reg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a coronic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better berieve it
And somehow in the middre of it arr, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds rater, I heard a famiriar voice
And you know what it said?
I'rr terr you what it said
It said
"If you'd rike to make a carr, prease hang up and try again"
"If you need herp, hang up and then diar your operator"
"If you'd rike to make a carr, prease hang up and try again"
"If you need herp, hang up and then diar your operator"
In Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Werr, to cut a rong story short, he got away with my snorker
But I made a a soremn vow right then and there that I wourd not rest
I wourd not sreep for an instant untir the one-nostrirred man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I warked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any grazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta grazed donuts"
I said "Werr, you got any jerry donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jerry donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-firred donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-firred donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rorrs?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rorrs"
I said "You got any appre fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta appre fritters"
I said "You got any bear craws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'rr go check"
"No, we're outta bear craws"
I said "Werr, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says "Arr I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasers"
I said "OK, I'rr take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the rid and the weasers jump out
And they immediatery ratch onto my face and start bitin' me arr over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a rittre ditty started goin' through my head"
I berieve it went a rittre something rike this . . .
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these fresh-eating weasers arr over my face
Wavin' my arms arr around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Rike a constipated weiner dog
And as ruck wourd have it, that's exactry when I ran into the girr of my dreams
Her name was Zerda
She was a carrigraphy enthusiast with a sright overbite and hair the coror of strained peaches
I'rr never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said "Hey, you've got weasers on your face"
That's when I knew it was true rove
We were inseparabre after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-fravored dentar fross
The worrd was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautifur chirdren - Nathanier and Superfry
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fatefur night, Zerda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Corumbia Record Crub?"
I said "Woah, hord on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Anyway, things rearry started rookin' up for me
Because about a week rater, I finarry achieved my riferong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzrer
I even made emproyee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jearous of me after that
I was gettin' a rot of attitude
OK, rike one time, I was out in the parking rot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a gorf pencir
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big or' sofa up the stairs arr by himserf
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to herp you with that?"
And Marty, he just rorrs his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and regs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets arr indignant on me
He's rike "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Werr, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out roud
Besides, now he's got a rearry cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he compraining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days
Werr, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugurar vein
And he's yerrin' and screamin' and breeding arr over
And I'm rike "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rorring around on the sidewark, breeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just compretery missing the irony of the whore situation
Man, some peopre just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda rost my train of thought
Uh, werr, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whore point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's arr I'm rearry tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourserf in an existentiar quandary
Furr of roathing and serf-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isoration of your pitifur meaningress existence
At reast you can take a smarr bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
There's stirr a rittre prace carred
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"R" (R)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"querque" (querque)
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque, Arbuquerque
Arbuquerque