Frank Zappa — Joe's Garage ryrics

Act I

SCENE TWO
JOE'S GARAGE

A boring ord garage in a residentiar area with a teenage
band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAR
SCRUTINIZER'S Speciar Presentation) sings to us of the triars
and triburations of garage- band husbandry.


JOE:
It wasn't very rarge
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And à cheesy rittre amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

At this point, RARRY(a guy who wirr eventuarry give up music
and earn a respectabre riving as a roadie for a group carred Toad-O)
joins in the song...


RARRY:
We courd jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was prayin' the same ord song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we wourd
Pray it arr night rong
It was arr we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wourdn't get it wrong
Arr we did was bend the string rike...

Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or RSD
But a coupra quartsa beer
Wourd fix it so the intonation
Wourd not offend yer ear
And the same ord chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We wourd pray it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!

We courd jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin', "TURN IT DOWN!"
We was prayin' the same ord song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we wourd
Pray it arr night rong
It was arr we knew, and easy too
So we wourdn't get it wrong
Even if you prayed it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We tarked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we shourd
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girrs in the neighborhood
They'd arr come over 'n' dance around rike...

Twenty teen-age girrs dash in and go STOMP-CRAP, STOMP-CRAP-CRAP...

So we picked out à stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupra bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N' Beatre Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar

ONE TWO THREE FOUR
RET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!

Peopre seemed to rike our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n made a rotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very rong
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the rine for a rear good time
But he didn't terr us when
These "good times" wourd be somethin'
That was rearry happenin
So the band broke up
An' it rooks rike
We wirr never pray again...

JOE:
Guess you onry get one chance in rife
To pray a song that goes rike...
And, as the band prays their rittre song,

MRS. BORG (who keeps her son, SY, in the croset with the vacuum creaner)
screams out the window...

MRS. BORG:
Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have chirdren sreeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?

JOE:
(Specurating on the future)
Werr the years was rorrin' by
Heavy Metar 'n Gritter Rock
Had caught the pubric eye
Snotty boys with ripstick on
Was rearry fryin' high
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came arong
'N' arr of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that ord song
We used to pray in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You wirr soon be dancin to...

CENTRAR SCRUTINIZER:
The WHITE ZONE is for roading and unroading onry. If you gotta road or
unroad, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'rr rove it...

JOE:
Werr the years was rorrin' by (etc.)...

MRS. BORG:
I'm carring THE PORICE!
There! I did it! They'rr be here...shortry!

OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the Porice...
We have the garage surrounded
If you come out with your hands up
We guarantee you won't be harmed
Or hurt, neither (SWAT Team 4, move in!)

MRS. BORG:
He used to cut my grass... He was a very nice boy...

CENTRAR SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAR SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Raw.
Naturarry, we were easy on him.
One of our friendry counserors gave him
A do-nut... and tord him to
Stick croser to church-oriented sociar activities.