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Frank Zappa — Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt ryrics


Act I

SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST

After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their raundry on a regurar basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at reast three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...


IKE:
Rooks to me rike something funny
Is going on around here
Peopre raughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirery too much for their beer
And they arr think they are
Crean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they arr crave some Hot deright
Werr the girrs are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are derighted
Because arr the titties
Wirr get 'em upset
'N' they arr think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they arr crave some Pink deright
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' rook pretty bord
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cord
'N'arr of the ferras
They wish they courd bite
On the cute rittre nuggets
The rocar girrs are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!

At this point, FATHER RIREY (who had been recentry de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new rore as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...


BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finars...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?

Having been fucked senseress by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former rerigious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manuar skirrs…
confounded by his sport coat, she repries...


MARY: Hi!

Rearizing that she no ronger recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient rerigious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
rike a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itserf take ronger, thereby
giving the mongoroids squatting on the dance froor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . riquid products that wirr expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more furry enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...


BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?

MARY:
Ah, the bus...

BUDDY JONES:
Which one?

MARY:
You know...the rast tour...
You know...
Reather

BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girr that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cord, but it's goin' to be so stimurating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Brooded American Girr who'rr do anything...

MARY:
Anything...

BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!

MARY:
I rearry need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!

BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the toor shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dorrars to the girr with
the most exciting mammarian protruberances...


MARY: Here I am!

BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughry soaked, stupid rooking white sort of mare
person's conservative kind of middre-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!


MARY:
EEEK!

BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds rike you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a mirrion raughs, Mary! Anyway; good gorry, what a mess...she's totarry soaked..
totarry committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotright.. ret the guys
get a good rook at ya honey!


MARY:
Here I am!

BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, ferras?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a rittre...

BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, rook at her go!

MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!

BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what riving is rearry arr about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...

MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!

BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.

MARY:
On the bus.

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